Pillars of Life

I, by the boundless grace of God (and greatly-deserving-of-mention, grace of my beautiful wife), have a fantastic marriage.

But it wasn’t always that way. We certainly had our difficulties in the beginning. Two people adjusting to “become one” created a fair bit of friction as we learned to think of each other before ourselves. There were some tense walks around the block powered by anger fumes 🙂 Not to mention a lot of tight-jaws. (It wasn’t a case of grinning and bearing it, because there were times when we couldn’t grin).

In that early time, I knew I was out of my depth. I couldn’t do this marriage thing on my own. I didn’t know how to do it. I was smart enough to know that ones’ parents are never the right answer when it comes to sourcing marital harmony. (My parents are Godly and wise but they are not unbiased: parents seldom are).

HusbandAdviceAnd so I reached out to a man with a couple of decades experience on me. He was a respected man at church, who visibly embodied Christ-like behaviours and attitudes. He was raising two great teenage sons and had a good marriage himself. So we got together for breakfast, chatted and prayed together.

As it turned out, I think we only met a few times before he moved house to a considerable distance; which put an end to our meetings. But those few chats, earlier on in my marriage, were a much-needed pressure valve. His wisdom and care helped me to get over the speed bumps of the difficult period.

That someone (who was not far off a stranger) would care enough to spend his time writing down Bible verses and meeting with me, was a testament to his character and his view on the importance of marriage. He, by providing wisdom and a listening ear was a pillar of life to my young marriage.

I encourage you, seek out pillars when you need them, and lend your strength to others when they ask of it.

And finally, try watching this without getting emotional…

Other marriage related posts:

 

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Preparing to Launch 2018/19

I’ll admit I’ve been a bit slack lately. Sure, there’s been sickness involved and partial-insomnia, which never helps. But there’s also been some slackness. There was some playing of Sid Meier’s Civilization V which is awesome in it’s time-wasting capacity. Because I love turn-based strategy games, that led almost inevitably, to some mucking around with a home-grown battle simulation program where I was trying out if-I-made-a-Civilisation-game mechanics… I also seem to have grown an unhelpful enjoyment of e-sports (StarCraft II). It hasn’t all been bad; there have also been some valuable time-expenses like time with family and friends or doing the necessary chores that part of being an adult.

2018 has found me busier and more spent than 2017, and possibly any year before that. (Take that with a grain of salt, my memory struggles much beyond 24 hours these days).

We’re about to tick over to a new financial year and I’m using that as motivation to regain some momentum and discipline. I’d like to spend my time more wisely and be more productive. Time, after all, is our most precious resource. We never know how much we have (though we assume) and we can’t get it back once it’s gone.

And so I am getting ready for 2018/19 by clearing the distractions out of the way. I’ve deleted most of the games from the computer, and I’m making a conscious effort to not go looking for new e-sport videos. These last few days of 2017/18 are my “training days” for the new year.

It’s been a few years since I’ve tried to make plans (and tried… more/less) to stick to them. Naturally I haven’t done this lately, because I prefer not to broadcast my failure. I know that it’s true though – goal setting is beneficial. I’m going to try to record my productivity, so then I will be able to more-accurately estimate sensible goals.

It is my intention to work toward monthly goals in a more structured approach. These goals won’t all be writing related – but are likely to be broader: writing, faith, programming, health and social.

I’d be curious to hear how you set goals and the strategies you use to keep yourself on-track.

Every Man’s Battle

Revery man's battleecently I’ve re-read “Every Man’s Battle” by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker. It’s a brutally honest book that acknowledges the trench-warfare-like struggles most men have with sexual purity. The authors don’t sugar-coat reality:

“Before men experience victory over sexual sin, they’re hurting and confused. Sexual immorality in our society is so subtle we sometimes don’t recognise it.”

The authors encourage the reader to fully examine their hearts (and actions) and offer practical tips for freeing oneself from a cycle of sexual compromise and sin. They openly acknowledge it’s going to be hard battle – with backward steps as well as forward. The cost of failure, however, is more than any man can afford. They encourage the reader to choose manhood, purity and honour.

“Holiness,” as they define it simply is, “a series of right choices.”

Sexual purity is a challenge for men of all ages and stages in life. Let’s tackle it head-on, and be men who learn to throw off the shackles of the enemy, and stop him from also oppressing those we love.

Holding Hands

Recently the beautiful Mrs Ezard and I attended a 1 day marriage workshop by Canadian author and popular blogger, Sheila Wray-Gregoire and her hilarious husband Keith. We attend such courses not because something is wrong in our marriage but so that nothing goes wrong. Consider it preventative maintenance on the most important investment in our lives.

It was a great day, filled with honesty, a lot of humour and some helpful tips for improving your marriage.

otters-holding-handsSheila explained that drifting apart from each other is a natural phenomenon. You don’t need to do anything to drift, but you do need to take action to prevent the drift. Otherwise it will happen. She mentioned how otters (who sleep on their back in the water) hold hands to prevent drifting apart. Couples likewise need to find ways to metaphorically “hold hands”.

She encouraged us to write a list of things that we would appreciate and share them with our spouse. (The rules were: a) non-sexual b) 2-3 minutes time investment c) low-or-no cost). Everyone, no matter how busy life is, should be able to do at least two per-day for their spouse, and thus, show love and consideration.

As everyone knows, sometimes there can be hard conversations in marriage. Really hard conversations. One way she suggested you could broach those conversations was to ask each other “where do we want to be in five years time?” That question, can help tease out some of the things you’d like to change, without it being quite so confrontational. Not to mention, it’s a good question to be asking yourselves… and then planning the actions steps you need to take to get there).

Marriage should be treated like a marathon, not a sprint… make it last 🙂

Relationships

Sometimes relationships complicate things.

That’s how I look at it anyway, in my very male problem-oriented perspective. If it wasn’t for relationship considerations I could solve some problems a lot easier by being direct – and less mindful of not hurting feelings.

I was born with the male ability to switch off outside considerations and be brutally objective, blunt as a brick. Complete the mission, regardless of the cost. (On occasion those same qualities could accurately be described as foolish and ignorant).

But I’m glad that’s not where my thinking ends. A little more time, and I realise the relationship is of too much value to cast it aside or allow it to be collateral damage.

The key is to find the solution to problem working in relationship, if at all possible.

An Inspiring Gift

Want to give Someone you Love a Card, and a Stranger, Hope, at the same time?

I’m pleased to join in the announcement the Australian social enterprise, Noteworthy Cards, has officially launched.

The idea behind Noteworthy Cards is simple: buy cards from them and 100% of the profits are donated as life-changing gifts for those in poverty.

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“Our mission is to inspire people to love generously through words of encouragement while funding life-changing gifts for people suffering in poverty.” Noteworthy Cards

Knowing the founders of the company, I can attest to their genuine desire to provide the poor with a much needed and life-building hand-up. Just as important is their intention in helping others to express love and gratitude through the giving of cards.

Starting a company to 100% benefit others is an incredible commitment of time, and I commend them for all the hard work.

Are you a ‘creative’? Good with words or drawing, and happy to give donate some of your work? If so, I know they would love to hear from you. I’ve made a submission or two and plan to make more in the future.

Until Friday 13 April there is a launch special of free shipping. Coupon details on the website. (Delivery is only within Australia at this time).

Read more about how Noteworthy Cards came about…

Who do you care know, who could use or deserves to know that someone is thinking of them?

(p.s. later today or tomorrow I hope to be releasing my latest short story, Dreamer).